On Thanksgiving, gratitude and resentment can go together like mashed potatoes and gravy. 

Despite the holiday being a day when we’re supposed to practice gratitude, it’s easy to get frustrated with family members, become impatient, and discover simmering resentment about some part of our lives.

So how can we bring our best selves to Thanksgiving today?

The EVRYMAN team has created a simple guide for how to show up well this holiday season. Here are five practical steps to be your best self:

1. Carve out time for yourself: Find just 15 minutes to center and ground yourself. This can be a time to set intentions for how you want to show up with your loved ones, to do the “emotional homework” of recognizing what moments or interpersonal dynamics might be particularly challenging for you, and to listen to what’s present for you and what you might need.

2. Express gratitude for how far you’ve come: A core practice of gratitude (and an antidote to resentment) is to reflect on the distance you’ve traveled and what’s changed for the better since the last Thanksgiving. What has happened in the last year that makes you grateful?

3. Be a memory-creator: Most of our days aren’t that memorable. The routines, commutes, and meals tend to all blend together. But every day holds the potential for a memory that will last years or even decades. Is there a memory you can create today for the people around you? Maybe it’s flipping the script and doing something unexpected when past Thanksgivings have looked the same. Maybe it’s increasing the level of intentionality and expressing personalized gratitude for the most important people in your life. One of our favorite books for creating memories is The Power of Moments by Chip and Dan Heath.

4. Ask better questions: The quality of time together often stems from the quality of the questions we ask. Consider asking more reflective, gratitude-centered questions this Thanksgiving that invite people to share stories and reflect on past experiences. The author David Brooks was recently interviewed by Fast Company where he outlined the principles of being a better conversationalist. One of his favorite questions, “If this five years is a chapter in your life, what’s the chapter about?”

5. Find the gold: When families get together, it’s easy to become disgruntled, critical, or resentful. Instead of dismissing those emotions, acknowledge them, but seek out the gold: the beautiful characteristics, traits, or dynamics that exist around you. Moving from a place of resentment to gratitude is not about suppressing what we feel, but instead choosing to notice what’s going right alongside what’s going wrong.

Insights

25 ways manhood & masculinity have changed in the last 25 years. A lot has changed for men since 1999. In a list of 25 changes, two stood out to us: #7 - male mental health has become destigmatized as more men recognize the power in caring for their mental wellbeing. #25 - the return of men’s groups as powerful gatherings for men to open up to other men and find brotherhood. Ask Men (13 minutes). 

How to control your inner voice & increase your resilience. On a podcast episode of Huberman Lab, Andrew Huberman interviewed Dr. Ethan Kross, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, and director of the Emotion & Self-Control Laboratory. The conversation explores how to manage negative internal chatter, eliminate intrusive thoughts, and build resilience. One takeaway: venting to others doesn’t work. There are better alternatives to reclaim control over your mind. Huberman Lab (3 hours, 9 minutes)

The ancient art of saying no: how to break free from people-pleasing. Plutarch, the ancient Greek philosopher, wrote an essay on how to break free from being a people-pleaser. In Greek, the term he used was dysōpia, or “the embarrassment that makes us grant unjustified requests.” Plutarch offers a four-part framework to get better at saying no: 1) start with low-stakes situations, 2) practice strategic silence, 3) remember your past regrets, and 4) adjust how you respond based on whom you’re talking to. Art of Manliness (5 minutes).

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